So, you’re just coming home from work (or waking up), and decide, “Hey, why not check my email, and look at the most recent gaming news?” You log on, look at your empty inbox with three or four old pornography verification links, and then make your way to your gaming forum of choice. Alas! The Revolution launch date, controller, and the specs have all been revealed on a third-hand site with no confirmation! It must have looked something like this: 

Hot shit, son, we’ve got ourselves a winning rumor!  Once again, another load of bullshit has been tossed into the fan.

Remember two years ago when Miyamoto announced to the world that a revolution was going to make its way as the next generation of gaming? Well unfortunately, that’s all we knew, leaving all the fapping fanboys to brainstorm their ways of expressing their beliefs on what the system would do. To make this easier for even the most retarded of people to understand, I have taken the liberty to make a timeline of the important eras of Nintendo Wii:

May 11 2004 – Revolution announced. No information.
May 17 2005 – Vague information about game titles, system power, and virtual console.
September 15 2005 – Controller is revealed, mixed reactions.
December 2005 – 3rd party support has surfaced more at this point.
April 17 2006 – Revolution is renamed to “Wii” (LOL WTF!!!1).
May 9 2006 – E3 reveals launch titles, game demos, but no exact GPU system power or specifications.

Since these are probably the most important dates that we can all recall, we now have a general overview of what we have learned. However, what does this all mean for us? It means that throughout the span of a two year period, there is still shit we don’t know. So naturally, Wii ticklers will overhype information, and Playstation spankers will say anything to make it look shitty. What do each of them have in common, though? Falsified information, or crap they made-up themselves to fill the gaps. Let’s look at some of the specific rumors.

HEY GUYS, SOMEONE HAS THE REOVLUTION ALREADY LOL LOOK. I love this screenshot, because it is probably the one that is the most bullshit of all of them. Hey wankers, what’s wrong with this picture? The disc drive is on the wrong side of the console, you fucking morons! I like how they took the liberty to blur out a Playstation controller in hopes to full the fans that it’s the Wii controller. The sad part is that this was in debate for a few weeks until someone actually took five minutes to debunk it.

Nintendo ON

Remember Nintendo ON? I do. It was confirmed as a fan-made movie the day it was released but we still inevitably heard dumbasses jabbering about how this is the biggest leaked info yet.

I never had a problem with this video, personally.  I thought it was awesome that someone would actually make a decent fan video. However, as much as I loved seeing a unique perspective, this video spawned one of the biggest rumors that piss me off the most: the 3D-visor. Jesus Christ I want to kill a child right now thinking about how long this has gone on. Too many dipshits took Nintendo ON religiously, and believed that Nintendo would sue a visor or headset to project 3D images. Hey, fucktards! It was confirmed a long time ago that this was never going to happen. Of course, I'll still hear, “But I saw a pikchure that haz teh visor in it I mean how can that be rong lol!”

No.  You're wrong.

The Controller

Of course, no one can forget the controller. Perhaps it handed-out mixed reactions to the crowds, but one thing is certain: anything that wasn’t it was bullshit. Let’s take a look at some:

They go on for pages. Google search it, and you’ll see for yourself. I love how Nintendo mushroom-slapped these fans in the face by showing their actual controller, and demonstrating how different it is than what people thought.

The Name

You don’t need to hear it from me to know what everyone’s reaction to the name change was. People wanted to piss all over it. Some group of morons even started a webpage about it. http://wehatewii.com. They had to shut down their site because the fan pressure made them collapse internally. However, for the longest time people thought Nintendo GO was the new name. Now, it looks like they need to GO fuck themselves.

Fake.

So, as an overview of the things we have laughed at the past two years, I want to take this last section of my article to get one point across: if it isn’t confirmed, then leave it. If you want to support your gaming company, then support what you do know, and not the shit you want them to do. How can everyone NOT be upset when they found out these miraculous pieces of shit were fake? As much as Nintendo ON, for instance, was a great fan movie, the fact that it consequently hurt the expectations of Nintendo’s fans will only bite the company in the ass. So, if you like Nintendo, then shut the fuck up. If you don’t like what they have revealed, and you’d rather have the fakes tossed back in the circle jerk of rumors, then all I can say is…