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 (New guy on the bottom right perfectly saying "hai guys what's goin on?")
MODERN GAMING
Punch-Out!!
Developer: Next Level Games
Publisher: Nintendo
Year: 2009
Genre: Sports
System: Wii
Some games do not fit well into being remade for today's landscape, because it was back in the days when anything was innovative and you didn't care about depth or a plot as long as you had good gameplay. Today it is the opposite. The same tired gameplay ideas are accepted when in the new flesh of a story (hence the disgruntled space marine character that stars in half of the games today). But what if a game of the olden days could come back, fully upgraded but with the same ideas, and still be awesome? Well, lucky for you, it exists.
Story - You are Little Mac, a 17 year old kid who's either really short or is fighting some of the most freakishly huge people in the world (we just got a report, that he is in fact short). He's an up-and-coming boxer all the way from the Bronx, New York City, facing off against some of the strangest and maddest fighters of the World Virtual Boxing Association, all to become the title champion. The only difference is, there is no Mike Tyson, but there is also no Mr Dream, also known as "that faggot recolour of Mike Tyson".
But then there is another story to it all. After Little Mac becomes the champion, he must defend his title against all his opponents from before, who have re-emerged with stronger muscles and different attacks.
 (20 years on and the Frenchman is still a pussy)
Gameplay - Similar to the old game, you must face up to your opponent in 3 rounds, each lasting 3 minutes which you can win by KO (KnockOut where you just manage to knock your opponents out three times in a single round), TKO (Total KnockOut which is achieved when you land the third knockout blow with a devastating punch), and By Decision (where the referee will judge by knockouts overall who wins).
You have jabs (high punches to the face) and hooks (low punches to the belly) which you use by swinging out the wiimote and nunchuk or (if you're some lazy dick who can't get out of the chair) the wiimote alone with 1 and 2. That might sound a bit sucky to you but it's actually mimicking the original NES button layout.
Hellz yeah that sounds fun now, don't it fatasses? Actually the wiimote is the easiest and best control style so a tip for you is if an opponent is kicking your ass, you could try this and have a better time. If Glass Joe is kicking your ass, you should just never play this game again.
It gets even better though for the real hardcore fit freaks when you can use the WiiFit Balance Board with the game. Now you can really dodge and duck those punches like a real pretender. But not you guys sitting in the chairs, you'll break it.
 (This guy is heavier than you and he can stand up and box. You have no excuse, you fat lazy bastards)
The game itself may seem short but that's until you hear of the new modes it has such as Title Defence where the opponents you faced before, come back even stronger with more defence and harder punches. I'm not kidding, they get really up on your ass. Even Glass Joe. Imagine losing to Glass Joe. You'd probably quit from such shame. HE HAS A HELMET NOW, YOU CAN'T PUNCH HIS FACE ANYMORE!
 ("HAWHAWHAW, qui c'est malingre maintenant, Little Mac?"
After the indomitable Title Defence mode comes the even harder Mac's Last Stand mode where Mac has to face all of them once again with one small constraint. You can only take THREE knockouts. No more, no less. If YOU get knocked out three times against them all, it's over, and you have to retire. Oh yes. That's gonna be fun isn't it for you sadomasochistic gamers?
Finally, after you've defeated a challenger, you can fight them again and again in Exhibition with various challenges for you to achieve, and if you win, you get their music added to your audio gallery. And for the opponent you HAVEN'T beaten yet, you can practice without the immense ass-whupping you surely must be getting from him to fight a hologram of him to learn all his moves.
 (His moustache is actually related to Kaiser von Wilhelm II's moustache)
Graphics - Everyone from the original games has had a marvellous upgrade into 3D and still look just like their old selves. Glass Joe still has the nervous look and drooping cowlick hair, King Hippo is still huge with black-masked eyes and shiny crown, and Super Macho Man is OH DEAR GOD THE PECS ARE JIGGLING!
Remember how he always did that? Jiggle his pecs in a manboob fashion? HE DOES IT IN 3D NOW! And he jiggles his ass too! HIS GODDAMN ASS! Sometimes you can be TOO close to the original. But really, it's all these touches that endear you to the characters all over again before you immediately hate them for whupping your ass repeatedly. The audience even looks good as a simple repeating live clip of some audience, which when you're not looking at (and 97% of the time you won't be), it's really the best audience I've ever seen in a fighting game.
 (OH DEAR GOD WHY)
Music/Sound - The titular theme we all remember from Punch-Out (or rather, the Bout Theme to be precise) is back in many many forms. Every fighter has a different version of it when you battle them in Exhibition mode further pressing their nationalistic pride upon you, each of the three circuits have their own versions in the career mode, and every fighter speaks in their OWN language, surprisingly well for a game about comical stereotypes.
Glass Joe has a snobby dullingly muffled French accent, Don Flamenco has the swarthiest thickest Spanish accent you'll ever hear (unless you live in Seville where they all sound like that), and King Hippo....sounds like a hippo for once which makes him twice as funny. Overall this was some surprising effort for a boxing game to go far enough to make these individual pieces.
 (*cue incoherent idiotic anti-Turkish rants from the part-Greek editor*)
This is a game made by people who must have played the original and knew exactly what to do with each character, preening them up to the nines as the most outrageously awesome caricatures, all of whom (except for Glass Joe and Von Kaiser) you should not underestimate for being able to hand you your ass hard. God bless the ring!
Fun and Innovation - 4
Replayability - 3
Gameplay - 4
Presentation - 5"Videogames are bad for you? That's what they said about rock 'n' roll." - Shigeru Miyamoto  Hail Slither, The Eternal Champion!
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Rank: Fecal Impaction For the Win!
Groups: Ogamer, Registered User
Joined: 5/9/2006
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Location: La Habra, Orange, CA
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Love this review. I'll be getting this when I get my Wii back hopefully. silverwasp wrote:Be careful what you wish for... I have 10 younger siblings and I am only 20....
Yes.... Same parents WarMachine wrote:meh...maybe if he hadn't been handed a burning house he could have done great things, but right now he has won the Prize for what? Damage Control?
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Rank: Dutchess of Doodoo
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Joined: 6/3/2006
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Location: $L
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Fun game, we played it at a party this weekend and everyone had a good time. I'm sort of glad they stuck close to the original. The Wiimote+nunchuck worked pretty well for everybody and didn't take to long to get the hang of. Great Tiger fucked up EVERYONE. Jab Jab Jab. 4 out 5 oh yeah, Little MAc is 107lbs. of fuckin ass whooping -_- You wanna take this to Fuck Town?
Oh gadzooks, yes!
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