Hey you retards! I've taken the personal liberty as the new moderator to write articles that illustrate the everyday adventures of passionate gamers! But in order to write articles that can accurately relate to you, the meaning of “adventure” has been stretched to include: downloading more games to your neo-geo emulator that you’ll maybe play for 10 seconds each, just to remember that they are just as shitty now as they were 15 years ago. “Adventure” also includes rediscovering Transformers G1 on youtube just in time for the new movie (you know who you are you fucking poseur!).
The technological wonders of the modern age have brought us the cure for polio, aviation and space exploration, and better yet realistic looking skins for videogame characters. I’m not saying all gamers are nerds; I’m just saying when you get someone whose social aptitude has earned them the ability to untimely recite Monty Python sketches or other British comedies that pop culture hasn’t validated in over 30 years, and then give them digital control over a robust woman displayed in resolution as clear as 1080i, odds are they’re going pause screen and masturbate. This brings me to today’s passionate gamer tip: the Print Screen button!
Often located just over the arrow keys, when pressed the print screen button will save whatever image is being displayed on your monitor! During game play just press this button during a “money shot.” When ready, open paint and press paste. Instantly you’re in possession of your very own sexy “money shot.” As you continue to game don’t hesitate to build a library, go out to town on this! Might as well since you’re playing videogames on a Saturday night, masturbating to the character skins instead of going out to town in real life.
(the money shot)
Someone will most likely reply to this, posting: “you probably masturbate to videogames all the time you n00b! I p3wned you!!!!!!!!1 ROFLMAO!!!!!1” Shut the fuck up! Write like a God damn human being and at least have the courtesy to delete the fucking “1” after your embarrassingly excessive use of punctuation marks you fucking waste!
I don’t masturbate to videogames, but I think its funny to watch how the videogame industry has progressed. For example, here’s Mortal Kombat’s Sonja in the early 90’s. Pretty cute I’d say, and athletic, and you know she’s going to kick some ass.
Ten years later…
Real or not you want to rub warm oil all over it. Does a videogame character seriously need to be this hot? My answer is no. In real life a woman with an infatuation with supernatural fights to the death would be one butch hag. I don’t know about you, but I think she’d have more important things to do than make her lipstick compliment her eye shadow.
My theory is gaming companies engineer game characters with hotter and hotter bodies, knowing that sex deprived teenagers and adults alike play video games that only perpetuate their social isolation. Like that Brittany Spears game? Come on!? So in conclusion check out my comics at Sir Lord Poop's playhouse and go fuck yourself!
(Brittany Spears game)