I won't bother making this into a long-winded rant, so I'll just bullet point what's been going on with me, why Bragr and Muff got the server without me doing a thing, why CMS is helping, and why I'm in a slow transition to transfer most of my power to the rest of the members of the clan/community. I'm not quitting the clan or anything, but I'm definitely handing off a lot of the responsibilities to people who can do what I can't and want to help.
- Overwhelmed. Going into the super admin role, I knew I had a lot to do. I tried when I could, but at the same time, I was afraid of the financial responsibilities that were slowly building up. In one sense, I didn't want to be a clan leader because of the amount of commitment I needed to thrive in it (being willing to go above and beyond every single time), and in another, I didn't want to let everyone down because of the "I don't care" mentality -- I'm not that kind of person in the least. In that light, I held things off in the event I could scapegoat my way through everything. As childish as that sounds, that's been the case recently.
- CMS -- Noobina and Defiance -- have been there supporting me and pushing me from day 1, which is more than I can say for anybody else here, admittedly. I nearly made a new clan after Whut left because we all sort of knew I needed more control over the situation. I didn't take up that offer. I was holding back time and time again. The recent points Noobina has been making about me not doing what I needed to do, have been 100% valid. Understand that she and Defiance are close to me, and that she knew that I wasn't doing what I needed to do and slowly dismissing my job out of fear. If you want to lash out at somebody, do it at me -- not her.
- I made Muff an admin because, again, he had everything required to lead this community. It wasn't a snap decision. Yes, he's weird -- so what. I knew I had to face up to things sooner or later, and I knew from the get go I needed serious help. He wanted to help. He cares as hard, if not harder about this community than myself. As a result, he help make the server happen with Bragr. Thank him, because if he and Bragr didn't do what they just recently did, you wouldn't have this new server.
- My heart just isn't where it needs to be with the clan and the community. Waaaaay before I even got my admin privileges from Whut months back, I was pretty much on the verge of leaving the clan and possibly joining CMS. I didn't though. Whut gave me admin just before that because he noticed how I helped the recruits get into the clan without much direction. I took the role, ran with it, saw what I could do to help the community. However, I never fully felt like the clan or the community were things I respected and thought about without questioning them. "Commitment is the greatest talent" are usually my words, but in this case, I didn't have the right kind of commitment, and my refusal to get more help to get through everything as opposed to handling situations on my own, has, of course, led to these recent events.
In a nutshell, 12, your so called "leader", has been fearful, childish, and selfish for the past few weeks/months because he's been afraid of putting every ounce of effort into the community like Whut did way back when, and then some. Don't get me wrong; I know what it takes to be a leader -- a good one -- but it's because of those reasons that I've slowly been pushing myself further away from the spotlight. I simply do not have the commitment I so strongly proclaim I have to lead this group. So why the ruse? Because I wanted to try my best to lift up the now broken community from everything. I tried on behalf of everyone, making myself miserable in the process, but I know for a fact that I can't keep this up, which I won't anymore.
So....I'm sorry pDs, CMS, and WDFnews.com community.
DredNaught wrote:In regard to the ladies... or lack thereof: Just remember that it's about quality, not quantity. And when you do meet a lucky lady, don't be a fool, wrap your tool!